I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
