Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
