have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
