You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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