So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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