She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
