Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
