my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
