Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
