I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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