I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
