My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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