When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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