So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
