I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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