Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
