sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
