do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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