i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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