Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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