I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
