apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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