The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
