I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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