Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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