he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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