do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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