STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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