I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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