bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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