In the future we'll all be gay
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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