Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
