im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
