Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
