Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
