what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
