u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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