just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have aggressive nipples.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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