jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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