I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
