He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
