I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
