Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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