Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
