remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
These tits shall not be calmed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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