Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
