Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
