That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
