I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
