Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
