you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
