Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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