Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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