Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
