You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
