I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
