His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
