I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
