just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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