i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
