I seem to have left my pride at pride
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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