You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
