at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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