the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize