1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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