Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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