I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you inspire me to be a worse person
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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