The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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