Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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