i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
