Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
