one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
