I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
