dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
