you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
