i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
