If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
40s are totally the cure
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
