Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
