i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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