Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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