I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
