I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
