she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh god it's open bar.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And then he peed in my hair
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
