The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
50% drunk capacity currently
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
