I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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