I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
