Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
