And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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