Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
