If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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