This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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