We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
