we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
