He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he fucked my hip out of place.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
