Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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