Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize