He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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