My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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