we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
